Book Review - GOTTA READ IT! FIE SIMPLE STEPS TO A FICTION PITCH THAT SELLS

Gotta Read It! - Five Simple Steps to a Fiction Pitch That Sells by Libbie Hawker
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Anyone familiar with the book Techniques of The Selling Writer will recognize the strength in this author's approach. Libbie Hawker provides a straightforward, stripped down version of Swain's story structure. Here's the example he gives in his 1981 book:

Situation: Pursued by his boss's amoral wife, Linda,
Character: Steve Grannis
Objective: decides to seek a transfer, so that his home and career
won't be destroyed. But can he escape when
Opponent: Linda
Disaster: swears that she'll have him fired and ruined if he tries
to leave?

Libbie Hawker applies a simplified version of this framework to the daunting process of crafting an effective book description. After using it myself, the process seems to work. 

Here's the original description for episode 1 - SWEPT AWAY - of my serial:

Fresh off a breakup, Sheila McKinley, the easygoing college professor, meets Jasira Said, the up and coming journalist and political pundit.

Sheila has no idea her friend Rima is acquainted with Jasira, so their arranged meeting is easily disguised as a simple dinner party. But this simple dinner party turns into a night full of surporses. Even after she agrees to show Jasira around town, Sheila really doesn't suspect her real intentions. But after an accident at a night club, things move quickly, until in the end everything is crystal clear.

Here's the description I wrote after going through the steps outlined in this book:

Sheila's decisions in love have never been as good as those in her career. Her last breakup left her devastated and feeling she will forever be a romantic failure. A late night sighting of Jasira Said on her ex's favorite TV show leaves Sheila content with infatuation. That, at least, is a relationship she cannot possibly screw up.

The last thing Seheila expects when she attends dinner at a friend's is to meet the georgeous political pundit. How will Sheila handle being so close to her fantasy? And what will she do when that fantasy turns its attention upon her?

This new description seems to satisfy the requirements I found when writing my blog post on Writing a Better Book Description - Chart.

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UPDATED 12/29/2014
After receiving feedback from my fellow writers, here's the final description, without typos:

Fresh off a breakup, Sheila is devastated and feeling she will forever be a failure in romance. Her decisions in love have never been as good as those in her career. A late night sighting of Jasira Said on her ex's favorite TV show leaves her content with infatuation. That, at least, is a relationship she cannot possibly screw up. 

The last thing Sheila expects when she attends dinner at a friend's is to meet the gorgeous political pundit, and for a simple party to turn into a night full of surprises. How will Sheila handle being so close to her fantasy? And what will she do when that fantasy turns its attention upon her?